Thank goodness that fall is here because this has been the summer of my discontent.
This summer I have experienced two large disappointments -- two things that I really prayed for and did not get. I hope that the answer is not "No, never" but rather "no, not right now" but regardless, the answer has been no. A big old Nnnnnnoooooooo.
And I have to admit, I've been really angry with God. What good is praying if you do not get what you want?
I feel like a spoiled teenager, stomping around, demanding what I want RIGHT NOW because, after all, didn't I ask nicely?
So lately I have been thinking about Chapman's Five Love Languages again. They are words of affirmation, gifts, service, quality time and physical touch. And I've realized that I've been demanding "gifts" from God as proof of love. You don't really love me unless you give me what I want. Preferably on my timetable. Which would be now.
And, surprise, that's just not healthy. As Doctor Phil would say, it's just not working for me.
I know that I should concentrate on how I express love to God, but emotionally I'm just not there. I really want to feel love, and maybe then I'll have it in me to express love. It's backwards and shallow, but it is what it is.
So here's my goal. Switch languages. I'm going to give myself quiet time with the scriptures, music, or the Ensign everyday, so maybe I can feel affirmation. And be a little more at peace with those big old no's.
Wish me luck.