Dora the Explorer

I am convinced that if I met Dora in real life, we would not be friends. Here are some things that I think would get on my nerves.

Constant Cheerfulness: What's up with that? I think that on the days when I was just doing so-so, it would send me into shock.

All The Questions: Woh, this girl cannot have a conversation without asking a question, or two, or three. "I like cake, do you like cake?" Well, Dora, everyone likes cake. "I like presents, do you like presents?" Again, really, do you have to ask? Or, "I like puppies. Do you like puppies?" Who is going to admit to not liking puppies? This girl needs some self confidence. She needs to realize that it's okay to like things that other people don't. Like me and Bob Costas.

Counting: This girl cannot remember her numbers. She constantly needs help counting, even to ten. For the love, what are they teaching you in that school? And why aren't you in school? If you can save the Mermaids, you can remember how to count to ten.

Mooch: This girl always needs a ride somewhere, and little Tiko always gets dragged into giving her a ride. And I never see her offer to pay for gas. When you see Tiko, he's always racing away and Dora asks for help to ask him to stop, in Spanish, of course. I think that Dora needs to take the hint. Girl, he saw you a long time ago and is racing away on purpose because he does not want to give you ANOTHER ride somewhere. Get a bike or cough up the money.

Enabling Swiper: He is nothing but a common thief and needs to be turned into the proper authorities. By allowing his behavior, she is enabling him, and she deserves to constantly lose all of her stuff.

Singing: Wow, this girl sings wherever she goes. Sometimes it's just not appropriate. Now Billy Joel, that guy can sing, I mean really sing, but you do not catch him in the Supermarket singing "We didn't start the fire." Wow, I just really dated myself, but you see what I am saying. Save it for the shower like the rest of us, chica.

Attention Deficit Disorder: Wow, this girl cannot hold onto one thought at a time. Even after telling herself, "bridge, river, picnic", she has to keep repeating it over and over. And I just really think that she should have gotten it the first time.

Star Catching: Now this is just weird. Everyone knows that stars are really really far away and you cannot catch them by jumping up and down and laughing. It's not appropriate behavior. Worse, it teaches my kids crazy behavior. Macey just handed me a handful of nothing and said that she caught a blue one.

If I did meet Dora, I would like to know, how do I get one of those backpacks? They're awesome!