In The '80s. . . Or New Jersey

One of my favorite parts of the classic love story, While You Were Sleeping, is when Joe Jr. tells Phyllis that she looks great because her hair looks mighty big that day. Man, where can I get a neighbor like that? Because he would be crushing on me. I thought that I had severly treated my hair with gel this morning but tonight, I looked in the mirror, and I thought, good heavens, how did it get so big?? Did I enter a wind tunnel sometime that day that I did not notice?

The problem is that the bigness has made me turn to a fashion no-no on a regular basis, the scrunchy. You see, I cannot put a rubber band in my hair -- it would never come back out. It would be lost forever due to die a curly death. And so I turn to the scrunchy and wither the critics, which, thankfully, hey, I live in Southern Maryland, there are not THAT many critics out there. There are not that many people in Waldorf Maryland looking to make a fashion statement.

So please, ladies, let's bring back the scrunchy. Tell Sarah Jessica Parker to mock not what she does not understand. I need a scrunchy like someone with a broken leg needs crutches. Sure, I could hobble along, but really, can't I just have my scrunchy?

And while I am bringing greedy, anyway that we could bring back the banana clips? Man, I looked AWESOME with my hair in a banana clip. The glory days of the banana clip were way too short.