A Few Words About Lowe's

Lately I have had problems at Lowe's.

Day One. Garry had the girls & it was just me and Molly, hanging out at Lowe's. I needed to boost our curb appeal and decided to buy two containers of flowers. To keep the deer away from said flowers, I bought a product called "Deer Off". I will not go into the details of what is in said "Deer Off". Needless to say, it is not good.

The aforementioned, above said Deer Off is qite pricey for what you are buying. Okay, I'll break down and tell you. I think that Deer Off is a urine and other waste -based compound. It's $15.00. Yes, I know, I'm paying $15.00 for something that is truly free. But, bygones. No pun intended.

With the flowers and the aforementioned above said Deer Off, the total of my purchase should have come out to about $25.00. It didn't. It rang up at $40.00. I was already upset over paying way too much for something an unruly toddler could take care of for free, and so I immediately protested to the sales lady, who had spent the entire transaction chatting up a nearby employee.

"I cannot check the price until you finish the transaction," she said. Well, that's kind of what she said. Transaction sounds like one of my words. She probably said something about finishing the sale, etc., etc. Swiping my freaking card, etc., etc.

I finished the sale, etc., etc., and then she looked at the receipt.

"Oh," she said, "I charged you for two Deer Off's."

"I do not have two. I am embarrassed to be paying so much for just one." Okay, I did not say that last part. Just the first.

"I know you don't." she answered.

And this is where I got a little testy. Because clearly she didn't. Because clearly she had charged me for two. And therefore, it must be assumed that she did not in fact know what she just claimed to know.

We went through the process of getting my $15.00 back when the employee she was chatting up told me how lucky I was that she was a manager otherwise the return would have had to be handled in another line.

"But I'm not returning anything," I explain.

"I know you're not." she answered.

And this is where I got a little testy. Because clearly she didn't. Because clearly she just used the word "return" to make it seem like I had bought two items of Deer Off and then reconsidered my stupid purchase of paying $30.00 and brought back the foul item. But I didn't. So there wasn't.

Now, you'd think that I would have learned and not gone back. But, I am a sucker for cheap Mums and good feedback on my curb appeal, so back I went.

Day Two. I was going to be fast. Just in and out with my Mums. But there was a line. Although there were two employees. But apparently just one functioning cash register.

I was holding Molly and two containers of Mums and looked at the non-working employee with a desperate look. Seeing the weight of my purchases and cranky babe in arms, he kindly offered to let me put the items near his cash register until the line had moved and it was my turn.

"Fabulous!" I answered. "And while I am there, with my mums at your cash register, how about if you move behind that cash register? And then maybe punch in your employee code. And then lift your little sensor and scan my Mums. And then I'll give you cash. You may or may not give me change, depending on taxes, and then hand me my receipt and tell me to have a nice day. And then I'll take my Mums to my van and everyone will be happy."

Okay, I didn't say that. But it would have been FABULOUS.