Dear New Nike Swimsuit:
Thank you, thank you, thank you for letting me find you at Kohls last night. Your fabric and specially placed padding make my waist look itty bitty and my chest look not flat! Truly, you are a miracle worker as my waist is not itty bitty and I am, indeed, flat. Whose brilliant idea was it to stop nursing before summer??
I would wear you EVERYWHERE. WalMart, Target, Safeway . . .all my usual haunts where I hang with my peeps . . . because you make me feel so sucked in and pushed up all at once. But, there's a problem.
About five days ago I woke up with my Mom's thighs. (No offense, Mom). I was surprised to see them. Surely my mother still needs them? Isn't it too soon for them to be passed down? Until I can find a way to give them back, it's best to keep clothes over them. So, darling new swim suit, you'll have to be saved for small outings to the pool.
You're the best!