Wednesday, July 20, 2016

The Year I Turned 40

I stink at birthdays.  I really do.  Every year I hope it'll be better and every year I fall into a depression that is so deep, so physical, that it kind of takes over the entire day.

And so it was this year.  Garry & the kids went above and beyond to help me have a great day.  Garry even took the day off from work, something that he really tries not to do.  I was greeted with gifts and chocolates and balloons and little suckers that said, "40 Sucks".  It kind of really does.

I get a little in my head on birthdays.  I think of what I am not doing or what I don't have and it crushes me with a very real, but completely mental, weight.  This year it was friendships.  I do not think that I have done a good job building strong friendships in this community, though I have really put in the effort.  Everyone is busy.  Everyone has a lot going on.  It's hard to form solid friendships in the chaos.  In a perfect world my doorbell would have been ringing all day on my birthday.  It really wasn't.  And I felt a little sad with all of that.

The next day the weight lifted.  I was able to enjoy a day at the spa that Garry paid way too much for.  And we went out with wonderful friends, the Moores.

My friend, Stacie, said that next year when I start beating myself up over what I do not have and what I am lacking, I need to call her.  And she will remind me that I have a supportive spouse, a wonderful family, a beautiful home, steady jobs.  So maybe 40 does not suck so much, after all.

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