I stink at birthdays. I really do. Every year I hope it'll be better and every year I fall into a depression that is so deep, so physical, that it kind of takes over the entire day.
And so it was this year. Garry & the kids went above and beyond to help me have a great day. Garry even took the day off from work, something that he really tries not to do. I was greeted with gifts and chocolates and balloons and little suckers that said, "40 Sucks". It kind of really does.
I get a little in my head on birthdays. I think of what I am not doing or what I don't have and it crushes me with a very real, but completely mental, weight. This year it was friendships. I do not think that I have done a good job building strong friendships in this community, though I have really put in the effort. Everyone is busy. Everyone has a lot going on. It's hard to form solid friendships in the chaos. In a perfect world my doorbell would have been ringing all day on my birthday. It really wasn't. And I felt a little sad with all of that.
The next day the weight lifted. I was able to enjoy a day at the spa that Garry paid way too much for. And we went out with wonderful friends, the Moores.
My friend, Stacie, said that next year when I start beating myself up over what I do not have and what I am lacking, I need to call her. And she will remind me that I have a supportive spouse, a wonderful family, a beautiful home, steady jobs. So maybe 40 does not suck so much, after all.