The problem with the law firm has resolved itself. We have parted ways.
I told Garry and my sister many times in the short three weeks I had that job that I was going to quit. I even promised Garry that I would quit. The very next day. So you would think that I would be relieved.
But I'm not.
For the last seven years I have been working from home. Even though I worked as a piano teacher at home and at the College of Southern Maryland, and then had various jobs out here in Utah, I have the amazing daily luxury of just surrounding myself with people I like and that like me. It's hard to not be liked, to not be good enough. Even if it is for a stupid job that did not pay nearly enough for an area of law I HATE (personal injury law).
I must learn to get a thicker skin. This time in my life is a luxury; Molly will not always be around everyday to tell me that I am her best friend.
The sad thing about this is that I felt when I applied for that job that I should not do it. I can write. I always have something to say about something. But when I did the writing samples for that stupid job, I had a complete stupor of thought. It took me forever to write just a few paragraphs and I could not figure out why I should not pursue this job. I have a three year old that prays daily for "monies to go to Disneyland". How could I not try to pick up another little job?
I should have paid attention to what I felt. The last few days have been hard and it did not work for my kids, either. I had Macey crying last week because she only got to swim at the pool for 30 minutes because I was working and I heard Molly play with her toys and Snow White told Cinderella she could not play because she was working.
So I've come up with a compromise that I think will work for everyone. I'll work on my job for the newspaper from 8-10 in the morning while the big girls are at school, Braden is napping, and Molly just wants to watch Snow White for the 100th time, and I will do my business plan writing job after 8:30 when the kids are in bed. See, I could not fit a third job in there anyway! It's all for the best.